[Part 1 of 2]
Spent a little time in sick bay recently (Navy term). I was home two days from work with some kinda upper respiratory demon, which gave me a unique TV-watching opportunity that I don’t usually partake in, since I leave the house shortly after 7AM (or try to).
Yes, kids, it was the almighty Today Show. Been around forever and still suckin’ strong. Doesn’t stop us from watching it, though, does it? I think they’re on 9 hours a day now, or thereabouts.
I dunno, there’s just something about watching it on the rare occasions that I’m home on a weekday. Sitting around on a Thursday morning in your robe, sipping java, reading the newspaper (remember those?) and watching the Today Show is the everyman’s way of thumbing his nose at the daily routine most of must adhere to.
Except there was just one problem, aside from the fact that I was sick as a dog: there wasn’t much Today Show to watch. In the years since I relocated to LA — land o’ the long-ass commute — and traded morning TV news shows for listening to the car radio, it would seem the commercial quota has been raised considerably. As in, “let’s blast ‘em with a shitload of ‘em and see if we can squeeze some programming in between.”
OK, maybe that’s a little exaggerated. Or maybe not. Or maybe I just left out the part that says more commercials means less program to produce, and less programming is cheaper programming. And cheaper means more money for us, one of the primary mantras universally uttered by network TV executives everywhere, right up there with rope in a trophy wife at the first available opportunity.
It seems like just about the time they get going with a decent story or interview, the blow-dried Today Show hosts were already trying to wrap up the segment. Felt like about 2 minutes, tops, between “welcome to the show” and “in our few remaining seconds…”
(Maybe ADD types are the new chic target demo. Must be all that disposable income ADDers have that makes them attractive to the advertiser.)
And then… another barrage of commercials. They just hammer you with ‘em, too. Just when you think ‘OK, this must be the last one,’ here comes two more. I mean, they are relentless.
Talk about diluted product. That shit is tough to watch. But as sick as I was on this particular day, it took way more effort than I wanted to expend to reach over and click the remote to another channel. So there I lay, helplessly pummeled by every commercial in the entire goddam Today Show arsenal.
And because they apparently don’t make enough money with the rapid-fire of conventional ads, they top that with crap like an off-camera announcer saying “Today Show weather is sponsored by…” complete with corporate logo prominently spoojed across the screen.
And then… on to another hurry-up story or interview. What little compelling programming content they offer is severely curtailed by the hurry-up nature of the segments. I would think a HUGE news story or a tabloid sensation like the Octomom would probably get multiple segments (I don’t know, I don’t usually tune in these days), but still, that’s the pattern: big chunks o’ commercials interspersed with truncated droplets o’ actual show.
Ya gotta believe the people who set aside some of their time to be on the show, especially the A-list types, aren’t real crazy about waking up at zero-dark-thirty and getting their pretty on for what ends up being all of a coupla minutes.
I guess what I’m saying is that programs like The Today Show have pretty much jettisoned any sort of legitimate news-show standards and headed straight for the money. Cause, you know, it’s network television. By law, in the 21st Century, it absolutely has to make as much money as possible, even if it sucks huge.
Something tells me this is why no-BS types like Bryant Gumbel split the scene long ago. He probably heard the producers say “we’re cutting your Clinton piece by 30 seconds so we can have more time for the belching poodles segment” one too many times and jumped ship before it hit the bottom of the legitimacy barrel.
Well, kids. We’ve reached the bottom of the barrel. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the other morning “news” shows fit the same description, too. So if you’re home ill any time soon, I’d say forget Today and hope you have something cool saved on the TiVo.
Comments